FREE SONG PAGE   "TWISTERS" Copyright 2006 by Charles Adrian Trevino Twisted Narrative Included - Free! XXXXXXXX (First published December 2018) Hello, and welcome to the Chucktrevino.com FREE SONG PAGE.  That's right, another free song from Chucky boy to all web surfers, HAPPY 2019!! ********** Now you really should skip the following narrative; it might ruin the song for you.  If you do choose to read on, don't say I didn't try to stop you... but actually I've probably gotten you more interested now, kind of like "ooh let's see, whose good name is this raving lunatic gonna' disparage this time around?"  Ah-ha, you're learning!  Alright I'll admit it; I am about to take the deified, beloved name of a very powerful and well-known figure, a personage revered by millions, and desecrate the bloody fr!cking sh!t out of it, earning myself new legions of enraged zealous enemies in the process; in doing that I will also probably blow whatever slim chance I had of selling this song to you, all because of my insufferable, highly incensed imperative to try to dogmatically edify people about the oozingly surreptitious, oil-slick permeating and ebb-tide unstoppable flood of absolute lunacy that is sweeping through our cultural outlets these days, disguised as good old-fashioned harmless and heart-warmingly lovable entertainment from respectable, above-board omnipotent industry moguls who really care about society... what absolute merde!  A bunch of masquerading musketeering mean-ass hyenic trolls is what they are, bent on completely annihilating the meaningful, socially redeeming humanistic culture that the better of our ancestors handed down to us, and replacing it with their ludicrously contrived, animated, constipated asininity and their silly imbecilic idiocy, they and their cartoon constituents from Hades... ooh, how these little creeps vex me!  Take my word for it, I know these suckers like a joker-man knows his Dow Jones!  I tell you I have these joker-boys down to a science, and I must say... they absolutely disgust me.  If I could I'd smite them straight to... you know, down there... where they belong.  Now have this narrative. The Story Behind Twisters: This song is about that scourge of midwest America called tornadoes, which used to be aptly referred to as "twisters" by those unfortunate midwesterners who have to get used to those terrifying things.  Actually though, I understand twisters can occur any place on Earth where conditions are conducive to such destructive whirlwinds (we don't get them where I live here in Southern California, thank God).  To all you people who have to deal with tornados, know this:  you are a hell of a lot braver than I am!  I've never seen one in person but I can imagine 'em well enough and I'm here to tell you guy, those things scare the holy bejeebers out of me!  Let me offer a real quick explanation as to why Charles, who in his normal state of mind can stare death in the face and laugh, is quickly reduced to a quaking sack of jelly whenever he even thinks about a naturally occuring phenomenon like a tornado:  its because when I was a little impressionable kid I saw that classic movie "The Wizard of Oz" which was about a nice, pretty mid-westerner girl who got caught in the midst of a whole schidtload of the things, man you could just see them off in the background howling and spinning, and then one of 'em lifted her little house right off the ground and took it to the land of Oz where she encountered all kinds of problems... wicked witches, insecure blowhard lions, prick trees that threw apples at people, poppies that could kill you, boy it scared the piss out of me I tell you... I was traumatized for life. I gotta hand it to you mid-westerners, you sure are brave! I don't know how the hell you do it out there; me, I just could not handle seeing a motherfrickin' tornado coming at me out of a scary looking blackened sky like some kind of whirling twirling devil-funnel from God knows where, some kind of evil harbinger of doom from the clouds, intent on wreaking havoc and making me shit in my pants with terror while I'm running like hell for some kind of shelter, any kind of shelter, anything at all that would protect me from that howling, spinning, horrifying monster from that bigtime joker God's own heavens, which only wants to pick me up and give me a good sadistic ass-kicking before it ejects me from its suckular vortex, flinging me through the air as if I were its fun little joy toy or something, the same way I suppose that a mean bored cat might toss a poor terrified mouse around before it kills him and eats him for dinner, or like a justifably pissed-off bull tosses a brave but certifiably insane matador who suffers a momentary lapse of concentration, or a temporary breakdown of his self-confidence, or whatever it is a matador has that keeps that monstrous animal at bay and stops it from goring him while he's dancing around there in front of it, waving one of those red bull-baiting capes that seem to make that bull just go completely ballistic, enraging him into such an ungenteel state of mind that he can actually rationalize committing an unsavory act of violence such as hooking that poor matador onto one of its horns and hurling him around, this way and that, up and down, hither and yon, all over the place man I tell you I would never get out there in front of one of those things, not for a million trillion dollars!  Shit, people, I'm scared to even walk out in a cow field to look at the cute cows for fear that one of those horned hulking guys might be lurking somewhere nearby, no doubt having horny bullish designs on one or more of those cows, who are obviously more than willing to be bulled around by old Mr. Horn, being the shameless, brazen mooing little hussies that cows can be, and you know maybe that bull isn't even thinking about sex at all, maybe he's just milling around out there somewhere grazing on grass or whatever it is he likes to eat, or possibly he could be engaged in looking for a good spot to take a dump or something, and then he sees someone as clueless as me walking around in his field approaching his cute cows, holding a handful of grass in my hand, wanting to pet them, you know, "yoo hoo, here cow!" like some kind of city-dwelling fool that never even gets to see a cow field, let alone a real mooing cow; so then maybe that bull gets to feeling all territorial and irritable, and decides to charge me, which is entirely understandable given the fact that I shouldn't even be there in that field with them cows I really should be with people like myself, citified people, frustrated concrete-bound road-raging citified people, doing sociably silly things like looking at the news on my cell phone and then calling someone up on that stupid machine, it being right there at my disposal as it always is, so that I can vent my rage and hold forth on whatever it was I read on that damn phone that got me so frickin' mad I just wanna' bite myself, just totally enraged at what's happening somewhere in the world, I tell you mister I just don't know what this world is coming to these days, I just read on my phone that the FCC is going to change text messages from "telecommunications services" that get net neutrality protection to "information services" that don't, so they can censor and even block my text messages if it pleases their sorry asses, they say its to stop spam and automated text messages but the opposing Senators say that's unnecessary cuz' the Telecom Consumer Protection Act already requires senders to get my permission before they send me their stupid idiot unsolicited spam, which permission I would never give them, so how come Google or Yahootube or whoever it is keeps downloading their stupid fricking app on my cell phone gawdammit I can't stop 'em, and how come the FCC gets to even see my gawddamn text messages, sheeeee, I thought those things were private, that just shows you how much I know about life these days, I tell you man stuff like that just irks the hell out of me, and the other day they just shut everything down because some zillionaire guy died, some guy who flew in planes in the war and once had to bail out into the ocean or somewhere and was head of a nosey peeping-tom intelligence agency, I mean they shut everything down man, the entire country, the government, the schools, the airports, the post offices, McDonalds, I couldn't even get a cup of coffee dude (that keeps me from getting a headache in the morning), ok, alright, he was the president once and he did pass some prudent laws like to keep cars from polluting the air too much, things like that but hey, what about us, the good patriotic people, what about me, the little guy, aren't I important too, I am to myself at least, but I doubt if they're gonna' do all that when I die (they didn't do it when I was born either), I'm not even sure if they'll even give me a 21 gun salute, in fact I'm not sure of anything anymore, that's what this world has done to me!  I don't know diddly squat, nothing, nada, except that I'm just like totally spun, you know?  I'm just all like...  Huhhhhhh?  Whaaaaaaaaaat?  What's going down, man?  Dude, its all just too complex for me, I don't know what the fuxx happening anymore I admit it, its like I read on my cell phone just the other day some white guy got the death penalty for giving one of those A-ok signs to his co-worker... jeebers, I used to do that!  And his co-worker got hard time too because he didn't tell anyone about it, but they got 'em on the hidden camera anyway, so... then I read a little while ago that some genius movie-maker guy had won five academy awards for ingeniously creating a cartoon called ralph broke the internet or something, and everybody just went bananas over this cartoon and crappers, I don't even know who ralph is man, dude I feel like I'm just totally out of it and don't know what's happening at all, I don't know schidt from shine-ola anymore, I feel like I'm, you know, just some kind of totally clueless, unhip, behind-the-times idiot or something, jeez louise how did I get this stupid?  I think I must have just smoked too much wacky tobaccky trying to forget that all this is really happening, I tell you I just don't know... I tried religion damn it, I looked up at the sky and talked to God and asked Him for His advice, and got absolutely nothing by way of a reply... can you believe the gall of some people?  But actually, you know, what was I really expecting, like for some wizened old joker to come out of the sky and say, "oh Charles, your request for divine deliverance is acknowledged, He will be right with you" or something like that?  I decided I was being very silly... so then I tried other things, other Gods, metaphorically speaking of course, anyone who could absolve me; why just the other day I got down on my knees genuflecting in front of a picture of Mickey Mouse and begged him to have mercy on my poor stupid soul, and you know what he said?  Nothing!  Then I tried begging harder I said "Oh please mister mouse, Mick, or whatever you wanna be called... please have mercy on my worthless ignorant butt and absolve me!"  Still he said nada man, so I tried addressing him even more respectfully "Oh please sir, Mr. Mouse, Mick... God?  Please hear my prayer, oh almighty God-Mouse, Savior of Man!"  Well, that worked!  He finally answered me!  But all he said was "What dost thou want, thou little sinning jerk?  I don't have time for fools like thee and thy miserable impoverished problems!  Come on, spit it out azzhole, before I smite your imbecilic ass to Mouse-forsaken Hell where idiots like thee belong!  Come on get with it, tell me... Mickey God will suffer your whining begging entreaty... just this one time!"  So I says: "Oh Mickey, O mighty Deity, God, whatever you are dude, mouse, Mick, how did I fall to this contemptible level of Mouse-forsaken idiocy?  What brought me to this shameful pitiful state, what's wrong with me, why am I like this oh great and powerful Mickey-God?"  He just snorted in disgust and said "Fool, it's because you were born that way dummy!  You don't even know enough to worship me like any sensible person who has any brains would; why should I help you?  I never knew you!  Why don't you go kill yourself or something and quit bothering me?  And what the hell is all this "dude" crap... just how stupid are you, fuk-face?  Didn't your parents ever teach you how to address an important Mouse-God?  Don't you know who I am you blaspheming fool, jerk I could send a million locusts or get Satan or somebody to destroy you, just like that!  I could just point one of my four fingers at you and turn you into a pillar of salt if I wanted, or hit you with a great flood or a tsunami, or maybe you'd like a little tornado coming at you from out of the sky up there, how about a little of that action chucky boy?  Now get up off of your miserable knees, stand up like a man and worship me... worship me or die, infidel!"  Man, I must have wept a river the size of the Mississippi, a zillion big salty crocodile tears just went streaming down my cheeks as I groveled and begged his forgiveness!  I groveled, I drooled and prayed before that mouse... and then, lo!  Spitting in abject disgust, he said "alright, alright, enough you pathetic moron!  Leave me a burnt offering... maybe a filet mignon or some lobster or caviar, and tomorrow I'll absolve you... if I have time.  Just remember, you're not too important!  And you're ugly!  And you stink like you died a month ago or something... don't ever forget that you are just like dogshit on my big black bulbous shoes, and that I can't stand to even look at you!  Now leave me that burnt offering and get the hell out of my sight, you contemptible little toon... you miserable rodent!  Mickey-God is weary of your pathetic whining and begging, now split, get lost, vamoose!"   Man, I tell you, I just lit out of there with my head down and my tail between my legs... and I was in my own house!  But I have to admit now, I felt pretty good about the whole deal, like you will when somebody real important takes the time to talk to you... Hello, are you still there?  If you are, you might be thinking something like "hey, that old Charles has completely lost it man, and hasn't anybody ever told him he's extremely inclined to maniacal, fatuous, painfully verbose and insanely acute tirades of scathing sarcasm which no one wants to hear?"  Yeah, you're right... sorry, I'm just like that... I can't help it.  You shouldn't read this crap!  Ok, now where was I?  Oh yeah, tornados... allow me to summarize. SUMMARY Tornados are evil!  I can't think of one thing they're good for!  Even forest fires, as bad as they are, have some benefits like they rejuvinate the soil, or they might crack open some hard-to-crack nuts for hungry animals to munch on or something useful like that, and even hurricanes can be appreciated by some people, like when they bring great big waves to irresponsible wave-hungry surfers (while inflicting countless miseries such as death, displacement, destruction of property, financial ruin, etc. to not so fortunate non-surfers), but tornados?  All they do is fuk people up and scare the fricking sheet out of them... Man, I can really do without one of those gawdammed mudderfuggin' things just ruining my day, believe it or not.  Boy, I could just go on and on about how much I hate those noisy, ugly, vulgar, crazy twisted things... Still want to listen to this song?  Ok, then just click the little link below and it will magically appear for your listening pleasure.  Hope you enjoy this little musical offering; I tried to make it as evocative as I could, but since I've never actually seen a real twister... well, you know how it is. ************** Click Here To Listen To  TWISTERS ************** Click Here To Go Back To index Text and some of the pictures Copyright 2018 by Charles Adrian Trevino.   Twisters Copyright 2006, 2018 by Charles Adrian Trevino.   All readers are heartily encouraged to worship whatever the hell gets you through it all; pray to It/Him/Her, whatever you see It as being, for divine guidance.   It will always forgive you, no matter what you've done.   It forgave me!   This is chucktrevino.com.